Sunday, August 22, 2010

Week in review

Troy picked up some beautiful flowers from the farmers market last weekend, while I was helping my mom set up for a wedding lunch.

Wednesday was the kids first day back to school. Little bit on the stressful side as you can see.


Morgan went to another cooking class and made these yummy Australian version on rice crispy treats. Super yummy.

Then Friday the kids set up tents in the neighbors back yard. We have the best neighbors we have had anywhere we have lived, here on this street. The kids roasted marshmelows for smores and then camped out.

So, Troy has wanted to know why I mostly post pictures any more and don't write a lot. It's hard for me to write about our life any more. We try to keep this positive because it is our family blog and I like to print it out, sort of as a photo album/journal for us every year. Almost weekly we (Tanya and I) have some sort of issue. With her attachement disorder (she hasn't bonded with Troy or I and she doesn't have a bond even with her biological siblings) and she is still in a constant state of fear. It's a million times better than when she got here, but she still cannot relax or just be or really enjoy things. She is learning to breath and calm her self down when her anxiety and thoughts get away from her. But compaired to Ana and Victor she has a long ways to go with her English and school, mostly because she can't remember things when she is afraid. Which is difficult because she is afraid a lot and is still afraid of me, thanks to her biological mother abusing her. So if I am too nice or things have been good for a week or so she will sabatage it or try to get me in trouble with Troy (love manipulation).
So this year is just going to be more of a photo journal than journaling. It's too much for me to type about our relationships and the relationships of the kids right now and it will just drag me down to share all of the crappy motherhood stuff. It's just been a fight to keep myself from becoming too depressed. There are positives too and while I was gung ho trying to solve everyones problems and taking lots of classes I learned tons of stuff. It was just too much all at once and I got burned up. So we are starting over with baby steps just working on relationships. So on the positive, Ana and Victor have done really well this year. Both of their English has impoved quite a bit this summer. A few friends have recently pointed out how easy it is to understand Victor, I think we are just used to him and hadn't noticed how much he has improved. Plus Tanya sucks the life out of everyone, it's easy to forget we have five other children. Victor is also doing well with math and his comprehension continues to increase every day. This school year will be big for Ana as we will see how we can help her with her speach and learning disorders. She is bright and clever, she just has to learn differently. But happy and helpful. So some things are good and getting better. Yeah.

7 comments:

Wendy said...

This is a ((((hug)))) from me! When I think of you I think of bravery. I can't even imagine.
I'm so glad that Ana and Victor are thriving. Although Alex is pretty well attached often times he does "suck the life out" us. Mostly he pulls the focus because he needs to much more help than everyone else. Which isn't like the issues you deal with-just exasperating at times.
He is very forgetful-maybe that's the orphanage mentality. Maybe they didn't have responsibilities or something? I don't know but you would think you could remember your homework the first day of school or to bring home your spelling list the second day? Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm good at that. Hang in there and if pictures are all you can do-that's better than nothing....right??

standfortruth said...

I love all your pictures and I feel your pain on all the adjustments that haven't happened as quickly as hoped. Everyone says "hang in there" which is really quite accurate because there are days when we really feel like we are literally hanging Huh? You are an amazing woman and I feel very lucky to know you!

Diana said...

I've got your back, girlfriend! I'm here any time you need to talk or vent or cry or scream or whatever. Call me, text me, email me, whatever.

Baby steps and relationships are what it's all about. They are the foundation of everything else. So, I think you are very wise in making this your focus. Trying to eat the entire elephant and change the world in one fell swoop doesn't work.

Unfortunately, none of this stuff goes away easily and it most certainly isn't easy to live with. Trauma does crazy stuff to kids. Period. It does. It changes the way they think and act and overshadows every single minute and aspect of their lives.

But, it isn't without hope. Our kids can and DO heal. Don't ever lose sight of that.

I was much like you for awhile. I didn't want to write about the hard stuff. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to remember it. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted my "peaches and roses" life back!

Then an amazing thing happened. Just like you did, I got brave enough to write about just a little of the hard stuff. I was amazed at how freeing and how healing it was. I was even more amazed at the amount of support I received from other moms who are right there in the trenches with me. I realized I wasn't alone, I didn't have to do this alone, and I wasn't the crazy one!! Not only that, but gosh...some of these moms have some really, really good ideas, too! That's when my blog morphed from a "family" blog to a real life - for better and for worse - tell it like it is blog...and when I stepped it up and became an active player in the community.

I'm not saying that's what you should do. It's not for everyone. If blogging about the real stuff weighs you down and makes things worse, don't do it. If you want to keep this blog for the happy stuff, try starting another more focused blog that is targeted to the adoption and parenting world. If you decide to go that route, I'd be happy to link to you and send all sorts of crazy "Drama Mama" friends your way...friends who GET IT completely and will support you and strengthen you and carry you through those dark times and will cheer and dance on the tables with you when those monumental baby steps happen. Just something to think about.

samsthree said...

Haven't you ever read my blog? There is hardly ever any bad. Makes us look like the poster family of happy. Sometimes I feel like I am not always being honest with myself or others. But then I remeber that I am and that I only want to remember the good times. Sure our trials help us grow but sometimes they bring me down or depress me. Like a few month ago I was having a hard hard time with Austin, I was embarressed, upset, and on the verge of crying every 5 minutes. Then I started remembering all the things that he does to make me happy or the things that are good in my life. We still struggle and times go from good, great, hard and bad. Baby steps. (Don't get me wrong I am not trying to compare us to you. I just want you to know that we love you and pray for you daily. Life is hard, enjoy it when it is good. I just wanted you to know that it is doable even when it sucks.)Hopefully in the end it all works out.
We love you and I think you are amazing.

samsthree said...

ps. i love the pictures of the kids and hope school is going well. I also want the yummy looking treats morgan has. Maybe she can come visit us and help me make them.

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