We got all the papers to fill out for the adoption agency and home land security and as we were adding things up our total came to a bit more than what the agency had told us when we met with them and on top we don't qualify for the tax break so we were both a bit frustrated. I being a women and feeling totally taken advantage of got frustrated and angry and started looking at other adoption agencies. My sweet husband notes that it's a business for this guy and he's a salesman so we should talk to him about it. So even though we've found two agencies that do adoptions out of the Ukraine and they are about 5-10,000 dollars less with travel and everything we are still looking at Yuri because he has an in with these orphanages and can hopefully get phones in to the kids, etc. We really want and need a link with Marina so she'll stay and not go work for her aunt. So, why am I feeling so taken advantage of? I keep thinking I'm fine with it, but if I think about it I still get a little ticked off. I guess I feel like our hands are tied and we have no other options, because we still want to go get the children... which brings me back to why let it get to me the kids are more important than the agency we use.
So onto more comical items from the weekend. Saturday we canceled our Christmas Trip to Belize. Morgan and I were the only ones really, really sad about it. It feels right and everyone we booked with was helpful in reimbursing most of our expenses : ) yeah! Because all the contracts said after 30 or 45 days no reimbursement! So I was worried about that, but we heard from the last place yesterday and it's good. And for some reason that I can't figure out the boys are thrilled that Santa is now coming and I had to write and let Santa know he better get shopping, because we aren't going on a vacation for Christmas anymore. Both boys have already written out their Christmas lists and I told them to circle one thing they really want and that will be it this year. I was sooooo excited not to do any Christmas shopping this year, oh well maybe next year...
The final straw that broke is now funny for me but at the time I fell apart and cried. I really cried because I don't know if I can do giddy, silly highs to frustrating, angry lows for 8 + months! When I heard it would be a roller coaster ride this is not what I was envisioning. So... I can't find my passport, for those who know me I have a thing about passports and getting them stamped. Yes, Troy pointed out that if all this wasn't going on I probably wouldn't have looked for it until we were leaving for Belize and then I really would have been home crying while the family was off to the beach without me. It would be me and Madona singing Isla Bonita through tears. And yes, a passport is replaceable and all is well. The funny part is that I'm pretty sure I threw it away! Can you believe that!?!?! It was in the folder when we applied for the kids passports this summer and that folder made it's way to the trash. (Bad experience with the Farmington Court house with the kids and passport applications). I am laughing at those memories as I type... my kids had never seen me really mad - hey no cursing or yelling, but a little stomping and speaking my mind.
So we are back on, I think. We have our home study next Friday and McKay has been really helpful and patient with me. I'm glad we can go ahead with that, so I feel like we are still moving forward. I am worried that Marina will go work for her aunt and won't be there by the time we get out there. I think that is my underlying stress and so I've probably made a bigger deal of things than needed to be. So I've been really great since Wednesday and sent off a package for Ivan's birthday in a couple weeks. We are trying to get a little Christmas package together to send next week. We don't really know how long things take to get there. Hopefully we'll have happier news these next few weeks.
5 comments:
Carlin, I'm so sorry about all of your frustrations! This is sooo much to take in I can't even imagine what you're going through! I want to cry just reading about it! I hope things get better soon, in fact, I know they will! And I'm so excited to meet our soon to be new cousins...I think this is the most exciting the Kellers have been in a loooong time! We love you and are praying for your family!!!
Carlin,
I think you will be happy with Yuri. I'm not sure what his rate is now, but when we were checking, it was fair. They really have lots of experience and know the procedures and will get things done faster which could end up saving you in the long run. I have read blogs of others who have not gotten a SDA date, waited months and years, been in Ukraine for 6-8 weeks or longer. They really know what they are doing and know the connections. I don't know about the tax thing why you aren't eligible, I thought it was a tax credit for any adoption.
I understand the ups and downs and it will be that way...
I'm glad I got to know you in the hosting experience. You will be a great family for those children. Let me know if I can help in anyway.
That is so awesome that you are going to adopt them!!! You guys are such an awesome family and it will be such a blessing for your family and for the children. But, as you already know, adopting is never easy. The process is horrendous (especially international) and there will be so many family adjustments. But, you guys will figure it all out and make it happen. I wish I lived in the same state as you so I could notarize all of your dossier docs. Good luck with everything. I've never helped anyone adopt from the Ukrain so I won't be of much help in answering any of those specific type questions but if you have any general questions, let me know!
I am so sorry to hear how up and down your week has been. We are praying for you all the time. And Isabelle still keeps asking about her newest cousins and when she will get to meet them. I hope you have a better week. Just know that we are always thinking of you and your family. We miss you. Good luck.
Dear Carlin,
I am writing this post many months after to clarify one thing that has been said here about the agency. I really hope that by this time, after you visited Ukraine personally, you can understand why at the initial meeting with you Yuri could really give you only the cost which he could know for sure. We provided the contract with all our fees, spelled out what's included and even provide the list of estimates of all other possible expenses which you may be required to pay to others. That's when you got the contract, but when you just discuss initial interest & general info, there is so much things to talk about and there is so many unknown things ahead... No way we can tell you on a dime how much it may cost you by the end. Initially, Yuri told you how much the agency charges in total, but what you got upset about later was other collateral expenses that would be required like USCIS+visas, apostilles (charged by Us gov), expense for travel like plain fare, transport in Ukraine, accommodation estimates etc. It is a bit too emotional of a talk to say that Yuri had just acted as a sales person on a business hype and you've been taken advantage. Looking back from today, you can understand, I hope, that there was no way to estimate it all during initial meeting. Who would know how much you'd spent for travel in Ukraine eventually? (after you went from one place to another, spent weeks in waiting etc) But what Yuri quoted you as the agency fee it was exactly what you paid to the agency. Of course, it is a business, a pretty serious, emotionally charged, time consuming business it is to take responsibility to help families to find their children in far-away, undeveloped and almost unpredictable country, but you wouldn't want us to do it as a hobby, would you?
The point is there was no intention to take any advantage of you, we try to give everyone all we know about this process, kids, travel etc. but it is a bit too much to give in one conversation, that's all.
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